If Only
by Breakaway Forever
Summary: Well, they were rescued. Four years seems to have gone by so fast. Will Kate ever forget Jack? What happens when he comes crashing back to her life, when she has fallen in love with another man? Sequel to 'Let's Go Back To The Start'.
1. Ch 1: Four Years Gone

Thank you all who reviewed on 'Let's Go Back To The Start'! I love you guys! Like I promised, here is the sequel.

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Something nagged her to do it. She couldn't not do it. She had to hear his voice. Just some sort of remembrance to her past. She actually wanted to relive her past. She wanted to go back and redo it all. To four years ago. If she could go back four years, she wouldn't have done it. She would have stopped it. If only…

She shook her head. Never would there be any way to go back. Never would she ever be able to see him again. If only she could hear him. He doesn't even know if she's alive.

Kate flipped through the phonebook before she found the right number. She quickly dialed it in before pressing the phone to her ear. It gave three rings before a woman answered. "Saint Sebastian's hospital. How may I help you?"

"Yes, um, may I please speak to Dr. Jack Shephard?" Kate asked, innocently.

"Just a moment." The lady said.

Kate waited for a few minutes, twining and untwining her finger with her hair. She couldn't help but fidget. "Hello?" She was greeted with his voice. Kate couldn't help but let out a small sob before she slammed the phone down, hanging it up.

She starred at the phone for a moment. She wanted to pick it up again, to redial and speak to him. But, she didn't have the courage. She couldn't. She wouldn't. She heard a knock on the door.

Wiping her eyes, she stood up from the bed and made her way to the front door. She lazily opened it and her eyes instantly met his. Kate gave a small gasp of surprise, "I can't believe it!" She said, with a laugh. She instantly wrapped her arms around his neck. "Charlie!"

Charlie Pace hugged her back. "Well, hello to you, too, Kate." He chuckled.

Kate pulled back. "Come in, come in." Kate said, quickly opening the door all the way.

"Only for a moment." Charlie agreed, stepping in. Kate and Charlie made their way into the living room and they sat down on the couch.

"I haven't heard from you since the rescue! How's Claire? And Aaron?" Kate questioned him. "Have you seen anybody else?"

"Claire's fine. We're married, by the way." Charlie said. "Aaron's fine. A cheeky little toddler. Of course, he has his little sister." Charlie gave Kate a wink. "Katherine."

"Are you serious? Congratulations." Kate said, smiling.

"I've heard from a lot of people. Want the news from the last four years?" Charlie asked. "Maybe I shouldn't tell you…" Charlie joked. "Okay. Well, Jin and Sun had a healthy little boy. Desmond was reunited with Penny. Hurley's doing fabulous. I have a new album. I haven't heard much from Sawyer…no…anyways. Jack is wonderful. Hasn't found anybody yet. He became a Spinal Surgeon, as he used to be." Kate sat quietly, listening to him. It was so great to see someone familiar. Someone from the island.

"Do you talk to him often?" Kate asked. "Jack?"

"Well, he never returns my phone calls." Charlie answered. "I finally marched right down to his office. It was hard enough tracking you down. Still hiding? What's your name now?"

Kate looked down. Yes, it was true. She was still hiding. The authorities didn't cut her one once of slack. Kate frowned before replying, "Madeline." She looked up at Charlie, sheepishly. "If the cops find out that you ever spoke to me, Charlie. You better leave."

Charlie sighed. He made a move to stand up, but then sighed, again. "I don't know about you, but I sometimes miss the island."

Kate sighed. "I do, too." Charlie slightly shook his head before he stood up. Kate gave him a heartfelt hug, kissing him lightly on the cheek. "So much." She whispered, before pulling away.

Charlie nodded his head. "Bye." He said, before turning and walking to the door. He gave her a small glance as he opened the door. He made a move to step out, but turned to face her. "You…you really miss him, don't you?" Kate starred at him. She opened her mouth to say something, but he cut her off. "Nevermind. I know you do."

Kate just smiled. Charlie gave a small chuckle before stepping out, closing the door behind him. Something gave way in her and her knees buckled from under her. She collapsed onto the couch in a heap of tears. Was there ever a way of going back?

When she knew there were no more tears left, she stood up and grabbed her purse. She wanted to get out for a minute. She climbed into her car and just started driving.


	2. Ch 2: Two Tickets

She lazily followed the signs. She wanted to forget. To forget all her pain. Just for one night. What better way than to visit a carnival?

When she got there, she played many games and went on many rides. She had forgotten all about Jack and the island. She was having fun. She waited in line for the Ferris wheel. She loved Ferris Wheels. They were so…enchanting.

"Ticket please." The man lazily asked her.

Kate rummaged threw her pocket. "Oh no." She said, as she pulled her pockets out, revealing no ticket.

"No ticket, no ride." The man said to her, gruffly.

Kate was about the turn around and go home, when the man standing behind her spoke up. "Here. Two tickets." He handed the man two tickets, before throwing a smile at Kate.

The man sighed. "Alright. Enjoy." He said.

The stranger looked down at Kate. "Since it was my ticket, you have to ride with me." He said, charmingly.

Kate couldn't refuse. She just merely smiled as they got in the seat. When the Ferris Wheel Began moving, the man spoke again. "Alex McKay."

Kate grinned. She opened her mouth, but stopped. Her mind raced. "Kate." She replied. She doubted she would never see him again.

He raised his eyebrows at her, but she ignored it. "So, Katie. What brings you to the carnival?"

Kate paused for a moment. "Nowhere else to go." She replied.

"What's his name?" Alex asked her. He was looking off, but turned to look at her. "Never pause." He informer her.

Kate examined his face. Dark brown eyes. Light brown, short hair. Dark brown eye brows that brought out his eyes. He had such a pleasant smile. He looked quite charming. "Jack." She replied.

"Now, what happened?" Alex asked her. Kate just raised her eyebrows at him. "Well, we probably aren't going to see each other again. And, what am I going to do? Go prancing around telling everyone about a mysterious, yet beautiful girl with no last name?" Alex laughed.

He WAS charming. And he did have a point. Kate began telling him about how she had been friends with Jack. How she had fallen in love with him. How they kissed, but then she started "dating" a man named James. Jack caught them sleeping together. How she missed Jack so much. How they stopped talking to each other for four years. How she never stopped thinking about him. How she never stopped wanting to make things right. How she loved him. She made sure not to mention the fact that she had crashed onto an island.

"Well, THAT was quite a story." Alex said. He gave a small chuckle.

"Enough about me. What about you?" She asked him.

"Well, I'm a song writer slash musician. Have you ever heard the band 'Downside of Love'? No, of course you haven't. No one has. But, enough about my retched life. How about you?"

"I am a fugitive on the run." Kate said, plainly.

"Yeah. And I'm a woman." Alex Joked. But, then he looked at her. "Jesus Christ, you're telling the truth." He frowned. But, then he smiled. "Well, you aren't running now."

Kate had to smile. The Ferris wheel jolted to a stop. Their seat was at the very top. They had a nice, cozy, view at the stars. It was very romantic. Alex turned to face her, but just smiled. Kate gave him a small smile. She expected him to try to make a move, but he didn't. He just smiled and turned back to the view.

Kate bit her lip as they sat in silence. "You know what?" He asked, breaking the silence.

"What?" She asked him.

"Do you have a pen?" Kate looked at him curiously, but began digging threw her purse anyway. The ride started moving back down again. She finally got one out and handed it to him. "I don't usually do this, but you seem…so intriguing…" He says. He gently grabs her hand and begins writing on it. "And I don't expect you to, but, what the heck. You only live once."

The Ferris wheel jolted with a stop as he finished writing on her hand. He helped her out and they walked out of the exit gate. He looked into her eyes, took her hand gave it a small kiss. "I hope to hear form you soon, Katie." He says as he turns and leaves into the crowd.

Kate was so dazed she almost forgot to look at her hand. In nice, neat writing, it said his name right above his phone number. Kate chuckled.

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I know, I know. It's been short chapters. They will get longer as I go along. I just wanted to get another chapter up. Introduce Alex and what not. 


	3. Ch 3: Move On

Kate gave it some thought before she did it. She wanted to be absolutely positive she was going to go through with it. Her and Alex had planned a date. So now, Kate stood there, looking at herself in the full-length mirror. She couldn't remember the last time she had worn a dress. Not since forever. Her hair majestically spilled onto her shoulders. She had on a green dress that went lovely with her eyes. She drew in a shaky breath.

She was beginning to think that she would never see Jack again. Her eyes weld up at the thought. "If only…" She whispered to herself. But, then she shook her head clear of the thought. It would never happen.

She had insisted Alex called her Madeline. It was only safe. He agreed, no questions asked. That's what she liked about him. He was curious, but knew his boundaries. Knew how far to go. Kate hated people who weren't curious enough. Or ones who were too curious and nosy.

Kate sighed. Jack had always seemed to stay out of your business. Kate brought her hands up to her face. "I have to quit doing this." She whispered. Every thought she had always ended with Jack. He controlled her mind.

She heard a soft knock on her door. Making her eye through her apartment to her front door, she wiped her eyes. She answered the door to find Alex. He had a smile and a bouquet of flowers. His smile instantly faded. "You've been thinking about him, haven't you?"

He sighed and walked into her apartment. "How long have I known you _Madeline_?" He asked her. "Almost two weeks. And every time I see you or hear you, you have been crying because you have been thinking about _him."_ Kate looked down and made her way to the couch, sitting down. Alex sighed and placed the flowers on the table as he sat down next to her, facing her. "It's been _four_ years, Kate. Four. He can't be the only man out there for you." He gently placed his hands on her shoulders. "Maybe…it's time to move on."

Kate looked up into his eyes. Those dark brown eyes. Something seemed to click. He was absolutely right. Kate, a little hesitantly, leaned in and pressed her lips to his. He instantly kissed her back.

It was there. All there. The same feeling she had when she kissed Jack. Her hand slowly made it to his cheek. But, she pulled back. He looked into her eyes for a moment. "I have to be honest…when I said move on, I didn't exactly mean that."

Kate pulled away completely. "Sorry. I guess I have a way of screwing things up."

He placed his hand on her cheek, gently turning her face towards hers. "I'm not sorry." He said. "We have that in common."

-x-

"Well, good night." Alex said.

Kate nodded her head. Alex hesitated for a moment, but leaned in and kissed Kate anyways. It only lasted for a moment, and before Kate knew it, he turned and left. Kate unlocked her door and made it inside. Her phone started ringing instantly. She walked over and answered it, running her hand through her hair. "Hello?" She answered, taking her coat off.

"Hello? Kate?" A male voice replied.

"I think you have the wrong number. This is Madeline." She replied, nervously. She looked at her clock. 10:23pm.

"I'd recognize your voice anywhere, Kate Austen."

Kate froze. "You-you have the wrong number."

"I have the right number. I suppose you're still on the run. Damn cops." The male's voice replied. It seemed to be getting more and more familiar.

"Who are you?" Kate asked.

"I hoped you would remember me. It's Jack."

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Crap! It's short AGAIN! I'm so sorry! 


	4. Ch 4: I Miss You

Thanks for the reviews. Just got to say, Crazy-Shipper, I hope you update soon on ''The Movie Star and the Maid." I read the first chapter. Interesting. For what it's worth.

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"I hoped you would remember me. It's Jack."

Kate felt the phone slip from her fingers and land on the floor. She starred down at it for a moment, before hastily picking it up.

"That's what I did when you called me a week ago." She heard him say.

"Jack?" She breathed.

"Kate." He replied. "It's been forever."

"I thought you for forgot about me." She said.

"How could I forget about you? I promised you." He said.

Kate let a tear roll down her cheek as she remembered how they had had a discussion about what would happen after they got rescued. He had promised her he would never forget about her. "You always did stick to your promises. Just like you promised us we would get rescued…and we did." She replied.

"Kate, I looked for you, forever." He said. "Why didn't you contact me?"

"Because…I was afraid." She admitted.

"Of me?" He asked.

"Maybe." She said as she sank down onto the couch. "I thought…I thought you wouldn't want to see me again. I thought you had moved on."

"Kate…I always wanted to see you. I've wanted to see you for _four_ years!" She heard him sigh. "Is there…is there anyway for me to see you again?"

"No. No, I can't put you in risk, Jack. The cops'll arrest you if they find out you knew who I was and didn't report it." Kate said. "I can't do that to you."

"Not if I didn't know who you were. Not if I thought you were Madeline." Jack said. "I've been trying to reach you for the past five hours. Only got your answering machine." He explained.

So, Kate sat there, hugging the couch pillow, as they caught up. They talked about before the island, after the island, and during the island. "So, have you found anyone, yet?" He finally asked her. Kate wondered when it would come.

"No." She lied. Although, she knew perfectly well she loved Alex. But, apart of her didn't want him to know. A part of her wanted him to be able to love her. For them to love each other. But, she couldn't not love Alex. Kate closed her eyes. Was this going to end up exactly ahs it did on the island? She shook her head to herself. No, she wouldn't let that happen.

"Me neither." He breathed. "I guess…I could never really move on." Kate couldn't help but let out a soft and silent sob. He must have heard, for he asked, "What's wrong?"

"I miss you Jack." She breathed.

They agreed and arranged a date between them, tomorrow. He was going to take her to a nice restaurant, so they could talk.

So, it was set. She would be able to see his handsome face again. Kate couldn't help but wonder what he looked like. Maybe he had changed completely. Maybe, he was some stuck-up slob who didn't care about anyone but himself.

Kate shook that thought away. No, Jack would never be like that. He could never be like that.

Kate fell asleep on the couch thinking about him. It was a pleasant slumber. One where, of course, you would wake up and for about ten seconds have no memory of last night. But, when she did remember, she immediately smiled. Jack.

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Blah. That sucked. More coming soon. 


	5. Ch 5: Remember

There he was. Just like he said he was. Sitting, looking down hard as he messed with a packet of sugar. Kate smiled. He looked so different, but so much the same.

But, her smile faded. Was she going to actually walk up and sit down infront of him? Kate looked around. He hadn't seen her yet. Maybe she could make her way out without him seeing. She took a step back, her eyes never leaving him. But, he looked up at her. Their eyes locked for a moment, before he smiled weakly.

Kate gave a half smile, but cursed under her breath. She took a step forward, and then another, and another, in till she sat down infront of him.

"Kate…" He breathed, quietly.

"Hi Jack." She said, looking down.

"I can't believe it. After all these years."

"You really missed me, then?" She asked, hopefully.

He opened his mouth, but the waiter stopped at their table. Jack made his order, and Kate just said she would have what he was having. She didn't really care what she was having.

They sat in silence for a moment, before Kate couldn't handle it any longer. "Remember that one time," She piped up with, "when you and I made that bet playing golf?" She asked.

Jack chuckled. "How could I forget? Hurley and Charlie were standing right behind us making little comments the whole time." Kate laughed.

"They always had a way to get on your nerves without you actually getting mad at them." She said.

"Yeah." Jack agreed.

"Remember how you would spend your time with Ana-Lucia? Plotting against the 'Others'?" Kate asked. Jack nodded. "Well, I never admitted it, but, I was so jealous, it wasn't even funny." She said, laughing.

"Seriously?" He asked.

"Seriously. And especially when Juliet came around. Sawyer always made it so much worse the way he would accuse me of being jealous…" She trailed off.

"Remember that one time we got caught in Rousseau trap? The-the…net?" He offered.

Kate blushed. "You ended up making the shot." She said.

"Yes." He said, triumphantly.

Kate chuckled, and looked down. She glanced up at him with raised eyebrows, but looked down. "What?" He asked.

"You are so…much the same." She said.

"Is that a good thing?" He asked, cocking his head only the slightest amount.

"If you want it to be." She replied.

Jack smiled. The waiter came by with their food. He commented on how good the food smelled and took a bite. Kate watched him in curiosity.

"What did you think?" She asked him.

"Think when?"

"When I first walked out of the jungle. The day of the crash. When you first saw me?" She asked.

"I…" Jack looked at her thoughtfully. "I thought that wherever the hell I was, atleast I knew that there was such a beautiful woman there too." He said.

Kate looked down, blushing. "What did you think?" He asked her.

"I thought, 'Why is this man shirtless?'" She said, chuckling. "And then I thought, 'Why is he telling me all of these things?'"

Jack chuckled and took another bite of his food, so he had an excuse not to comment. Kate ate her food, and for the next half an hour they chatted and had a great time catching up.

"Remember…when you told me that you lo-" She was cut off by a ringing. Quickly she pulled her cellphone out of her purse. The caller I.D. read, 'Alex'.

"I'm sorry. Just a sec." She answered the phone. "Hello?" She asked.

"Madeline! You'll never believe it!" Alex said.

Kate could here cheering in the background and Alex's voice sounded like he was yelling, but happy. "Alex? What? What is it?" She asked.

"My band!"

"Yes, what about it?" Kate was getting anxious to know what he was talking about.

"Some-some talent agents came to a gig we had. They loved us! They might give us a record!" He yelled excitedly. "We're going to be famous!"

"No way!" Kate said, disbelievingly. She knew how much this would mean to him. "You aren't serious are you?"

"Why would I joke about something like this-" He was suddenly cut off by another voice.

"Is this the famous Madeline I have been hearing about the past week or two?" The males voice asked.

"Um…Maybe." Kate asked, confused.

"Well, you better get over here, or else your boy Allie is going to be quite lonely." There was an annoyed and complaining yell and Kate heard Alex's voice again.

"Sorry! Sorry! That was my manager, Danny. He can be quite charming, can't he? Great at stealing phones. Throwing punches too…Anyway! The boys and I are having a small party. Please, please, please, please come!" He begged her.

"Right now?" She asked, glancing up at Jack.

"Yes right now! Come!" He begged.

"I'll be there in ten minutes." She said.

"Thank you!" There was a yell and then she heard someone in the background yell, "Hey! Put that down!"

"Uh, I have to go. See you when you get here. Bye!"

Kate hung up and put her phone in her purse. "Umm…" She looked up at Jack.

He raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"Umm…my friend…um…" Kate didn't know quite how to explain. "My friend just got some really great news and wanted me to come celebrate with everyone." She said, careful not to use his name or the fact that he is a male.

"I see." Jack said, nodding. "Well, then you should go." He said.

"Wh-Really?" Kate asked.

"Why wouldn't you?"

"I'll, uh, I'll talk to you later then?" She asked.

"Yes, of course."

Kate stood up, smiled, and then turn to leave for Alex's house.


End file.
